There comes a moment in every relationship – whether with a partner, a friend, or even with ourselves – when we must pause and ask: Am I in a healthy and aligned relationship?
For so long, I silenced my inner voice. I abandoned my own truth for the sake of love, for the illusion of harmony, for the comfort of familiarity. I gave, I compromised, I poured myself into something that, deep down, I knew was not fully aligned. I ignored the whispers of my soul, the subtle discomfort in my body, the deep knowing that something wasn’t right.
But the truth always finds a way to the surface.
A Journey Through Love, Loss, and Truth
It’s been seven years since John and I first met that felt like destiny; a connection filled with synchronicities and alignment. The early years were magical. We were high on life, love, travel, and adventure, convinced that the special bond we shared would last forever. But slowly, the emotional highs began to wear off. The excitement faded, replaced by a rollercoaster of emotions – highs that soared, lows that shattered.
Healthy loving relationships, no matter how magical at the beginning, is not just built on moments of passion and connection. Over time, the euphoria faded, revealing the cracks we had both chosen to overlook. The emotional highs became unpredictable lows. The connection that once felt expansive started to feel confining. We tried everything to navigate the growing tension: books, coaching, date nights, deepening intimacy, new tools, new hopes. We paused, restarted, avoided, confronted.
Until we hit rock bottom.
After years of trying to ‘fix’ us, we finally reached a breaking point. Deep in my soul, I knew something needed to shift. We decided to separate – not out of anger, but as a commitment to ourselves, to become the best versions of who we were meant to be. To take space and rediscover what type of relationship, if any, we wanted to build.
And then, he was gone
– with someone else.
Almost instantly. And that kind of pain doesn’t just ache – it fractures. It rips through the fabric of what you thought was real. The ground beneath me shattered, and I was left free-falling through grief, disbelief, and an unbearable sense of abandonment.
It wasn’t just about him moving on. It was about the sudden shift, the indifference, the erasure of everything we had built together. Love that had once felt sacred had turned into a battlefield of unhealed wounds, triggers, and human insanity. It was the most raw and painful reflection of what we had avoided confronting all along.
Breaking Free from Co-Dependency
And here it was. Beneath the heartbreak.
I realised how deeply lost I have been for years.
How I abandoned myself by not listening, long before he did.
In the depth of the breakup, I began to remember the parts of me I had lost. Feeling the weight of the things I had carried, the compromises I had made, the ways I had contorted myself to fit into a relationship that no longer held space for me. Another layer started to reveal itself and I can see now clearer, how
I had mistaken attachment for love.
I had mistaken familiarity for safety.
I had mistaken sacrifice for commitment.
I realized I had abandoned my own truth in the relationship. I had lost my voice, my power, my essence – trying to mold myself into something to try to make it all work. What I thought was love in the relationship was trauma bonding and unhealthy patterns keeping us entangled in ways that can’t ever work without being able to see what’s hidden beneath the surface.
Real love is expansive.
It is freedom, not confinement.
It doesn’t require you to abandon yourself to keep it alive.
This realization didn’t come all at once, nor did it come easily. But as I sat with the grief, the anger, the betrayal, I also sat with something deeper: the undeniable truth that losing this relationship wasn’t the end of love – just the beginning of really understanding it.
Love is Energy.
It exists in everything and everywhere. It is free, liberating, and uplifting.
So why has love within the relationship kept me bound – to old stories of upbringing, personal and collective history, and a sense of safety in the face of the unknown? Love shows up in the relationship as attachment, triggers, hurts, and upsets waiting to be seen, uncovered and loved.
So that I remember again and again on the journey is a return to love. A love that is not conditional, not dependent on anyone else’s approval, presence, or validation. A love that is unwavering, fierce, and deeply rooted in truth.
The love that simply is – pure,vital, life force energy.
And now, I choose myself.
Learning to hear, love and trust myself again – to trust my feelings, my instincts, my emotions. To trust that my body, my heart, and my intuition always knows well before my mind catches up. To trust that when something doesn’t feel aligned, I don’t need to justify it, explain it, or make excuses for it – I just need to honor it.
Because love is not meant to break me.
It is meant to bring me home – to the truest, fullest, most radiant version of who I am. Loving myself so deeply that I will never settle for anything less than what fully aligns with my soul. And from this place, something new begins.
Healthy Relationships
This journey has been one of unlearning, reclaiming, and rising. I now understand that real, lasting relationships require truth, healthy communication, deep understanding, acceptance, and the willingness to hold each other through challenges. Without these pillars, even the most beautiful love story will crumble when tested.
It’s time to fully move on.
With love.
For myself.
For everything that awaits.